Setting up a Book Club or Book Group

You may already belong to a book club but, either way, you may fancy setting one up and running it yourself. It is great to chat with others about a book that you have all read. The shared experience can give an extra reason and purpose to reading a book. Also, most would agree that it sometimes leads to picking up and enjoying a book that you might not have previously considered. It's easy to slip into a rut where we are drawn to a particular genre and can be refreshing to try something different.

It's easier if the club is formed from people you already know - friends, perhaps colleagues at work, parents of children who attend the same school as yours, whom you see now and then, or, indeed your near neighbours some of whom you may not know. The last idea works particularly well as is very convenient to arrange meetings with people within walking distance or a short drive away. If your road has a WhatsApp group then that makes life easier!

Firstly you need to make contact with potential members or maybe put up a poster in your local library, whatever works for you to reach out.  I actually popped a note in the letter boxes of everyone in our road to make sure nobody was missed, which invited them and gave my contact details. Once you have enough people to kick start the group, you might want to set up a WhatsApp group and agree on a few things: what time of day would be best - daytime may rule out those working but would suit retired people, for example, so consider the demographics! Then how often - every other month might be doable but depends on how voracious these readers and booklovers are, how busy their lives and whether they already belong to another book club. Attendance is probably better if you fix it for a certain date each month, eg third Wednesday, so it can be slotted into diaries well ahead. 

Once you have your gang you will need to agree on how you select your books up for discussion. One good way is for everyone to put forward a couple of books they would like to recommend which they may or may not have read. This would form your 'Longlist' from which members can vote democratically to whittle the list down to, say, six a year. It is helpful to do this once a year so the books on the shortlist can be bought or borrowed in good time. Or, you could run things more casually and just stumble along from one meeting to the next and take turns to choose the next one! I prefer the first option as you may have gathered! But do whatever floats your boat.

If you decide to take up the challenge, do let me and others know how you get on in the Comments. I would love to hear about it.

Cancer!

Little did I know ... !

I thought I’d keep it simple. It’s a while since I wrote anything here, or anywhere else online, as I was unsure of what I should say.

On 29 January, just four days after I posted my piece on Australia, the shock of diagnosis was huge. Following a colonoscopy and CT scan, with no serious inkling that anything was seriously wrong, my husband and I were suddenly being told that I had bowel cancer requiring surgery fast. In addition, there is a secondary tumour in the liver so it had already spread. More scans confirmed this but no others that could be detected. It all seemed quite surreal.

Recovery from the bowel surgery was good. I have just had the second session of my first 3 months chemo which is given in a fortnightly cycle. Liver surgery will follow after a brief break from chemo; then following recovery from that there will be a further 3 months chemo. So that’s 2014 taken care of!

Those are the bare facts and the prognosis is good, but when I first got the diagnosis it threw our world upside down; we could not help thinking the worst. Now I feel extremely hopeful that in a year from now I will be as fit as a flea and in the pink, and it is all the positives that I want to convey, perhaps to help others.

The love and support I’ve had from friends and family means so much. Thank you!

 

Early on I was thoroughly spoiled with over a dozen bunches of flowers or floral arrangements, plants, books, magazines, chocolates and more besides; dozens of cards, emails and phone calls; friends visiting almost daily, sometimes two in a day when I was home from hospital.  To feel all these connections from friends, both old and new, was so uplifting and will continue to help me with the emotional and psychological side of this whole process. We all know that happiness helps healing.

Seeing people for a chat will mean a great deal for the months ahead, as I realise now that to mix with the general public, or large groups, with potential coughs and sneezes, is risky. Your immune system becomes weak so to get a nasty cold or other infection could break the continuity of the chemo programme.  As with any life-saving treatment, it becomes a top priority and other tempting activities like shopping or the cinema are going on the back burner. My husband had the soul-destroying task of unpicking all our holidays he had organised for the year!

A bookish event I was really looking forward to will have to go by the wayside – as far as I am concerned.  Surrey Heath Book Festival 2014 invited me to run a creative writing workshop, Writing from Life, on 11 May and I had thought that this would be doable. Now I realise that because of the high susceptibility to picking up bugs mid-way through what is called the fortnightly ‘cycle’, I cannot risk it. There I was in the line-up with Prunella Scales and Lady Antonia Fraser et al. Such a disappointment, as I was fully prepared for this and anticipated a fun morning.

Sorry this is getting negative … but you see these things are not the end of the world. Your priorities shift.

One thing for which I shall break the rules is the birth of a grandchild in May. No way shall I miss seeing her or him as soon as possible after the birth, even if I cannot do much to be helpful – another frustration. Never mind, knitting needles have been clicking!

The medical teams at nearby Frimley Park Hospital, and now at St Luke’s Cancer Centre, part of the Surrey Royal County Hospital in Guildford, have been wonderful, efficient and caring. When things are serious and urgent you see the NHS at its best and initially I was fast-tracked at every turn.

It was wise to wait before writing this, I think, or the shock and horror would have given a false and gloomy picture. Like lovely George Alagiah who has recently come out about his bowel cancer, it is now just a question of getting through the treatment, keeping well and looking forward to recovery and a bright future.

I have learned to appreciate simple pleasures, realizing that in Buddhist fashion every moment of life should be treasured. Birdsong and sunshine; the smell and feel of fresh air when you come out of hospital; simply feeling well; hearing from friends; Facetime with my grandchild, the love and support I have from my husband and children – all these things and many more take on a new dimension.

The thought of taking a holiday, or eating out somewhere special, trips to the theatre and activities with friends – these are things to dream about and work towards.

Plus - there is the fourth novel I must finish. I am about three-quarters of the way through, then many revisions to do but I am very excited about this one and hope to publish it one way or the other before the end of this very unusual and interesting year. I will keep in touch.

In Defence of the ‘Christmas Letter’

Oh dear, the festive ‘round robin’ has taken a real beating from Lynne Truss’s wit and irony this week on BBC Radio 4. You may have heard. In response, I’d better watch my ‘p’s and ‘q’s. Was that correctly punctuated, Lynne?

She made me smile and a small part of me feels some sympathy with her.  Yes, they can be full of accounts of family achievements and no, they do not really take account of the individual recipient’s feelings as much as they should.  If the lucky person receiving a Christmas letter has had a bad year, then of course the last thing they want to hear is how wonderful life is – I mean, truly perfect, children, family, house, health, finances, everything in top-notch order – for someone else.

However, I did send my ‘Christmas letter’ to many people – not all, I must stress – on my Christmas card list. There, I’ve said it. I’ve confessed.  I am that self-satisfied, supercilious, self-important person that apparently all round robin senders are – according to the wonderful (isn’t she just perfect?) Lynne Truss.

So, in defence of my despicable and persistently annual missive I would just like to say:

I was on the brink of going one better, sending out a note to inform all and sundry that this would be our last year for sending Christmas cards, as they do seem very not on-trend amongst trendy people, who would never use the word ‘trendy’ it’s so last century. I did not actually do this; so my point scarcely lends any weight to this debate but, you see, it made me think – always dangerous at this time of year. Some people (mentioning no names) would forget such a note by Christmas 2013 and would assume we had died. Then our children would doubtless get endless phone calls, texts, emails and letters enquiring about our deaths. How could we be such a burden to our children before our actual demise?

There are certainly people whom we have not seen in, possibly, 50 or 60 years, to whom I annually send best wishes and festive goodwill. Perhaps my husband knows who his 3rd cousins twice removed are (What is this? http://chaplinspeaks.hubpages.com/hub/What-Is-a-Second-Cousin-Twice-Removed-Chart-Explains-All  ).  I am exaggerating but I am not entirely sure what faces belong to which names, even though it behoves me, and always has done, to send them a card. Doubtless they would be quite upset if they did not get a card from us after all these decades. I do not send these distant people a letter.

At the other end of the spectrum there are friends whom we quite possibly saw last week, or a few times during the year. They do not need a letter to update them on the progress of our family.

There is a mass of folk in between though, who do not use Facebook, Twitter or even email that much.  They would scoff at the word ‘blog’. Yes, such people (perfectly nice and normal) exist and I do send them a letter because it is a good way to keep in touch. It is within the bounds of possibility that we may one day meet, call them or visit them when up north or they may drop in to see us if they are down south. Thanks to our yearly exchange of news we would not have to start from scratch with birth of children or grandchildren.

I confess I would not do well if quizzed on the content of Christmas letters past, received from others. You see, we all adopt the manner of skimming – we are quick to spot words like ‘heart attack’, ‘wedding’ , ‘divorce’ or ‘grandchild’. Other things like, ‘holidays … blah … blah … blah …’ we may read but would probably not commit to memory unless we could relate to it or it provided useful information for our next planned trip.

Do our adult children exchange Christmas cards? Probably not. They keep in touch with friends much more efficiently than we ever did at their age, with the wonder of electronics. But we old die-hards like to cling on to the old ways, I suppose. There is a childish delight in hearing the slap of envelopes is they plop onto the hall floor. My husband and I still try to be first to pick them up and have the pleasure of opening them. If there is a letter inside, we are usually pleased – unless it really is one of those that go on and on and on … then I am with Lynne Truss all the way. Too much information gives round robins a bad name.

I tend not to mention too many negatives in my Christmas letter – because, quite frankly, who wants to hear about problems and failures at Christmas? If that means it comes across as smug or just too unbearably cheerful, then I make no apologies.

Merry Christmas – I shall now shut up until next year – but please, do let me have your thoughts. Do you, or don’t you?

Pre-Christmas Goings-on

Amidst pre-Christmas flurry and excitement (and laziness) I failed miserably to produce a blog item last week. For sure nobody noticed but, anyway, here's a seasonal mini-post before my next guest author arrives here tomorrow.

It is hard to find words to describe the sadness and revulsion that fills our hearts and minds after the massacre in Connecticut. That this human being, described as a ‘loner’, could perpetrate such an act upon innocent children is beyond understanding.

My last post was about how much we need people – or not. Christmas is a time when we get together with friends and family, but perhaps the ‘bah humbug’ brigade choose not to! Some people are sadly more alone than they would like to be – but there are ways and means to make contact with your community. I expect you have some festive fun planned.

In retirement, gone are the days of office conviviality, lunches with colleagues and oh-so jolly parties. It's time to make a bit of an effort.

This past week I have enjoyed a Mexican evening with the National Women’s Register (NWR), savouring Mexican food and learning about their lifestyle. Broadening our horizons, it made a change from the Christmas evening meeting when members take along traditional fare.

On another evening, my husband and I slipped into a carol concert in Camberley. I have just joined the U3A and would love to join a choir, although my voice is not what it once was! In fact, a squeaky gate could do better! My husband has never sung in a choir in his life but can hold a tune pretty well and, perhaps inspired by Gareth Malone, is quite keen. Choirs tend to be desperate for men, so I am hoping I can use him to help me secure a place on one of the already fully subscribed choirs run by the U3A! They were performing; so we went along to hear and see them. We are not religious, not church-goers, but it was a lovely evening when the Rotary Club speaker reminded us that the evening’s theme was ‘Hope’ – not hope for ourselves as much as for others.

We also had a niece’s birthday party, which involved a two-hour drive there and back in the dark on the M25; the travelling was not that much fun but worth it for a family gathering.

So, already I’ve been to Mexico, a carol concert, a party and - oh yes, a pantomime! Christmas is here all right! Having taken on a (vital, crucially important) role with Camberley Theatre, spreading posters, leaflets and encouraging noises to my local neighbourhood for 4 hours a week, I was the lucky recipient of two tickets for the Gala Night, no less, which meant meeting the stars of the show afterwards for drinks and food.

At the end of Peter Pan, small children were invited to take to the stage.  The first little boy was asked what he liked most about Christmas.  There was a long, dramatic pause as he reflected on the question; I guess most of us were expecting a response along the lines of ‘Presents!’ ‘Lots of sweets’, but no. The clear, unprompted reply was, ‘Being able to come out with all of my family’. The entire auditorium went ‘Aaaah’.  Scarcely a dry eye in the house.

How much do People need People?

Shades of Appley Green is about the lives of individuals but it is also about ‘community life’. This is what I often say, but what does that actually mean? Different things to different people, I expect, depending on your interests, age and general circumstances. How much do people need other people? Are they necessary to give you an identity?

You may know I was brought up in Tetbury, a small Gloucestershire town of about 4,000 inhabitants; it gave that sense of belonging, where you felt connected.

Now living in Surrey since 1977, and many more places before that, I have never forgotten that feeling, where you could go down several roads and name each family who lived there. Here in 2012, it is a different world, where former villages have merged into something of a suburban sprawl and acquaintances are nationwide, even global.

Look on any map of Great Britain and you see an enormous mass of villages, but in towns, and even in the London metropolis, there are pockets where you can spot the hub of a community – an old ‘village green’ or park, a church, community hall, a school and a small parade of shops – where residents find a local identity.  

Before retiring in 2008 I was working as a Community Support Worker – a modest kind of job that involved supporting people with information and a listening ear. For two years I was with an organisation that helped teenage mothers, often lonely, who had little help from family or friends; and following that I went out, armed with a lot of empathy and leaflets, to see people with Parkinson’s. If you read Shades of Appley Green you can see and feel the pulse of village life, and strong characters who struggle and overcome on the one hand, single parenthood and on the other, the loneliness that can come with Parkinson’s. It is, I hope, an uplifting book, not a miserable one, but it does look at the downs as well as the ups of life!

Homo sapiens is hard-wired to be tribal – that is my belief. There is a basic instinct in us that drives us to belong – whether to a family, friends,neighbourhood, club, profession or via the Internet – social networking! ‘No man is an island’ – who said that?  Birthdays, weddings, and funerals are usually celebrated or marked in the company of our ‘tribal group’. In evolution, there was strength in numbers, co-operation was key to survival. Lone individuals or nuclear families proved inadequate to defend themselves or their territory. They needed back-up and, later, division of labour.

Of course, there are introverts and extroverts, requiring company and solitary hours in varying proportions. Personally I happily spend hours alone absorbed in what I am doing, but always in the knowledge that I regularly meet up with friends and family. I know gregarious people who can scarcely bear to spend five minutes on their own. I have visited (and been welcomed!) by people living alone insisting they are quite happy and do not need people at all; but then it slips out in conversation that they are on anti-depressants and wonder why they have a constant feeling of anxiety hanging over them.

I was wondering how the rest of you feel on this? Would you be one of those who claim you would be fine on that ‘desert island’? Or, are you a socialite who needs constant interaction? Are you able to achieve the optimum levels of company/solitude or is this something you don’t even think about or aim for? I’d love to know.

I was going to write about things I get up to in my patch of Surrey that help me, now that I do not work, with community spirit, but clearly that will have to wait until next time. Enough, already … !

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